OMG!!!

Today I turn… 35… half way to the big 40… how did that happen???

A lot has been going on in the recent few months… as you know I got a job… of which I am still loving!

Relationshipwise… I let HisLordShip back into my life again last End September/Beginning October 2012… I know some of you who know me in person will think I am completely bonkers after everything I’ve been through with him, but I love the guy, he’s the father of my boys and I had to give us another chance despite his indiscretions! I told him clearly what would happen if anything else were to happen… especially with 2 certain women… don’t think he actually listened to or believed me!
We celebrated our 17yr anniversary on 31st May… even though he wasn’t here the night of the 30th, I sent him a message on the morning of 31st saying Happy 17th Anniversary xx… I got a message back asking ‘Had it really been that long?’… well for me it had! 
I had already booked the day off work as a new freezer was arriving… HisLordShip arrived around 2-3pmish having booked half day off work… I was upstairs and came down to… 
He helped me install the new freezer… or rather he installed as I sort of watched/passed tools etc (Cupboard needed removing first)… we had to nip to B&Q as my idea for keeping the woktop up kinda fizzled when I realized it wasn’t a full piece of wood that was holding it up at that moment… so off we went to get a proper worktop leg… home again to finish it off… then we went for a ride on HisLordShip’s ZX6-R motorcycle, How I love to be on the back feeling the wind in your face, it’s just amazing… he asked if I wanted to go to Squire’s Cafe I didn’t so we just went for a ride around the country roads for an hour or two… home again and Chinese take-out for tea… on him as it was his treat to me… a film and bed!
Sunday came the big argument… can’t even remember what I said but basically during the argument, In which I didn’t agree with him ‘WhatsApping’ another women, first thing in the morning, throughout the day and last thing at night… feeling they had a better relationship than he did with me… I was told that he wasn’t willing to give up his ‘friendship’ even though back in October he told me he wouldn’t speak to her again, so I told him that was his choice and that I didn’t have to put up with it… apparently they were that close that at 2am in the morning she would have been quite happy to come and get him… so I told him to ring her (he wouldn’t) and she could do so as I wasn’t going to be a second option anymore… so that was the end of our 17yr on/off relationship and half my life… right then and there!!! Heartboroken… yes I was, I didn’t sleep a wink that night!!! 
I felt he didn’t Respect me and I had no Trust in him… not the grounds for any relationship… just took me a while to realise what my head was saying… my heart… well that’s another matter completely!!!
A month or so on… Do I still love him… yes I do, I think I always will! Do I still miss him… yes I do, he was a huge part of my life for so long! My first and only love… I was always there for him, maybe a little too much… but I know I must let him go and move on with my life… don’t know what I’m going to do as everything I did was for him and the boys… I guess it’s time to start doing for myself and finding who I really am!!!

I must also state that I was no angel in the relationship… I’m stubborn, emotional, think too much, too independent but also I was too dependent on him for certain things… so it wasn’t all down to him… I must own my own faults and flaws!!!

I’m not putting it out there for sympathy… I took him back into my life that was my choice… I’m just working through things and need to get it down somewhere… for so long I’ve felt unable to come and post on here about things going on in my life as I knew a certain person was here reading it… but if she don’t like what she reads then stop visiting… everything I’ve posted about is the truth!!!

So now today… I turn 35… what am I to do??? What do I want for my future??? I don’t know… I know I want to start my driving lessons… I keep putting it off as I let my fears take over… I need to push through them!!!
I have so many things going through my mind I guess I’ll just have to take things one day at a time!!!

Craftwise… I have done a few layouts… but I haven’t really played that much, I was working too many hours, but that’s had an adverse affect on other things so I’ve cut the overtime off, so I’m down to my basic hours, which at the moment have been cut down even more until further notice… so I’m scraping by until my hours get increased again… kinda knocked me for six, what with dealing with the above relationship issues… I just haven’t had the heart to craft… but I am hoping that’ll be rectified soon as I do miss it! 
So I will be back shortly with the few layouts I did finish… I have a few more layouts in mind, once I’ve got my scrapping supplies sorted to where I want them I’ll get them done!

I’ve rambled on enough… hopefully I’ve not depressed you too much and you’ll come back for the more upbeat and crafty updates… for now though I’ll leave you with a layout I did of HisLordShip and Uncle Z  the ‘WoW Buds’ when they met on the camping trip to Wales!

Can you spot their names in the letters???

Until Next Time HUGS 'N' XXX